The following testimony was written by Monica Carrillo who was part of the CCI América Latina New Pathways Project. Monica interviewed her mother to discover her experiences in camping. She's from Mexico and serves as a volunteer at Sierra Linda Camp, outside of Monterrey, Mexico. Silvia Umana edited it.

'She wanted to die'

Testimonial of Hermelinda EsquivelTold to and written by Monica Carrillo

Sitting in the corner of the darkened room, my hands were sweating, and I could feel the blood still gushing from my nose. My mom had beaten me. I was fourteen and had snuck off to school. She didn't want me to attend school. It was a hot August afternoon in 1966 in Monterrey, Nuevo Leon, Mexico.I was trembling from the pain of the blows. I understood that my mother was attacking me because her mother also mistreated her. The same thing happened to her grandmother and the generations before her. The family tree on my mom's side was a never-ending story of abuse, divorce and broken homes. My parents were no longer together, neither were my grandparents. I wished my heart would stop to not continue this physical and emotional pain, to not continue this cursed inheritance of family violence. 

I continued attending school despite my mother’s constant disapproval. One spring morning, when I was sixteen years old and we were about to start PE class, the boys went out to the playground and we ladies stayed there talking with teacher Sagrario Cruz. Out of nowhere, my classmate, Norma's voice was heard:

-Teacher, Hermelinda wants to die. 

There was a deep silence. In a sad voice I explained:

-If I have children someday, I don't want them to go through what I have suffered. 

-You need to know God, the teacher told me in a soft voice. Since schools are not allowed to talk about God, she invited us to a youth camp. I knew that my paternal grandmother, with whom I lived at the time, would refuse to let me attend. However, my teacher, Sagrario, said she would pray that we would all go. When she did not get permission from my grandmother, she went personally to ask permission and found my dad, who authorized me to attend camp. 

At that time, I was the class treasurer and I invited the class president to go to camp as well. He was, by the way, very handsome: Juan Francisco Carrillo. It was not difficult for him to be allowed to go, since he was part of the Boy Scouts and went out frequently. 

The big day had arrived! It was March 30, 1969. We boarded a bus and left for Sierra Linda Camp. That night, by the light of a campfire, the American missionary Emilio Anderud preached with the help of a translator. I watched the flames dance back and forth between my memories and what he spoke about. 

My life seemed to have been plunged into endless darkness. Every day I woke up with the feeling that nothing was going to change. Often, I caught myself longing to die, as if death was my only way out. Now this man was talking about life in Jesus, a life different from the one I knew! The glow of the fire seemed to reach every corner of my dark heart. 

The next day, in between the planned activities, the cabin counselors approached each student to discuss their decisions. 

-Hermelinda, how was your experience last night? -asked teacher Sagrario sweetly. 

-After what I experienced and heard, I know that God has changed something in me," I declared with growing certainty. 

Back home, I had to face my grandmother. Being so religious, she accused me of being in sin and going against Catholic tradition. She sent me, in a condemning manner, to talk to the priest. 

In the narrow wooden structure of the confessional booth, unable to watch the face of the young and inexperienced priest as I recounted the experience that had shaken my life, I smelled the strong odor of dampness. I had chosen him because I hoped he would understand me. The semi-darkness of the confessional increased my sense of smallness. 

In the silence, I prepared myself to receive more words of criticism. I listened as he cleared his voice and he finally spoke:

-I find it admirable what you have learned in such a short time. I encourage you to continue to seek the truth in both places.

-Is it okay for me to meet with evangelicals? -I asked in astonishment. 

-You are sincerely looking for God. You choose where to look for him. 

I was baffled. 

I will always thank God for that priest's response. Juan Francisco and I eventually became sweethearts. Five years later we married and started a family. On that memorable night by the light of the campfire, with the strumming of a guitar and inexplicable tears, Juan Francisco, other young people and I accepted Christ into our hearts. In that moment, inherited chains of violence and pain were broken.

More than fifty years have passed. Our daughters, Linda, Monica (the writer) and Thelma, not only have different lives, but also serve God. Their ministries also began in Sierra Linda Camp, where they serve in various camp programs. Our grandchildren are growing in the Lord. We still have Professor Sagrario in our lives and we love and respect her like a mother.